What’s your portal?

Stay with me here. I”m going somewhere with this, I promise.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been writing more consistently and I’ve been noticing how I’m feeling about myself. I feel different. Nothing else has really changed, except everything has changed. Yep, that’s confusing. Okay, so what I’m feeling is this unfamiliar sense of esteem. I feel secure in myself, which really surprises me.

So, just because I’ve been writing more, somehow I feel better about myself? And, my whole world feels better too. 

I realize that this writing thing seems to be my portal. To me, a portal is where I go when I do this thing (writing, dancing, laughing) and everything just feels infinitely possible. It’s my medicine. I usually tend to procrastinate on writing because it means I’ll need to check-in with myself and that can be unnerving sometimes because I never know what stuff is going to come up. And then, well I might have to deal with it. But in all honesty, whatever comes up ends up making me feel free. I’m slowly understanding this, and slowly my resistance softens and then I write and feel so connected to myself again. 

I don’t know about you, but I never had that epiphany when I was younger, or at any point really, that THIS THING [insert thing here] is my passion, my purpose and my life. I’ve always felt like I’ve been floating around picking this and that as my thing and seeing if it stuck. I never really felt connected to anything – I hadn’t found anything that was clearly my ‘purpose’.

Have you always known what your thing is? If yes, consider yourself very lucky! And if no, all is not lost.

In fact, I recently watched Disney Pixar’s ‘Soul’ and it was really eye-opening. Sometimes animated films are packed with so much existential meaning. This was one of those films. It left me with so many feel-good feelings. I won’t ruin the movie for you, but the gist is that it sort of eludes that the meaning of life doesn’t have to be this amazing talent or passion that you have, it’s really all the little mundane moments that add up to a lovely life and that make it mean something special. If you have music or some kind of genius skill, that can help too, but sometimes it can also mean you get lost in that thing and you don’t step out of it enough to enjoy the teeny tiny moments.

That made me feel happy because my life has been FILLED with these teeny tiny moments – and ever since I lost my mother at a young age, I’ve doubly lived life without taking most things and people for granted. It was sort of a relief to be honest! I don’t have to have this big talent or creative endeavor to feel like I’m living my best life. 

The small things make me so happy (among many others –  but these are the ones that came to mind in this particular moment).

  • Sipping coffee while looking out toward the mountains or the ocean or just watching people doing their thing
  • Sitting in a comfy chair with super soft blankets cuddled up to my honey or pets
  • Talking to my little nieces, making jokes and funny faces at each other
  • Working out with my sisters on FaceTime and laughing along the way
  • Taking naps in my super cozy, comfy bed and my favourite pillow of all time
  • Watching movies on our pull out couch with my fave snacks
  • Seeing friends for a walk in the forest and laughing about silly things
  • Watching my doggie Koa run around in the wilderness with such glee

There’s so many more, but these little moments make my life worth living. And, I’m so grateful. Writing definitely takes me to these places I didn’t know I could go, and literally as I write this I feel like I’m flying through the clouds like Wonderwoman. 

It’s just a reminder, that if you’ve been wondering what your purpose is, perhaps it’s as simple as being present and enjoying the moment. Maybe it’s singing a song in the shower, or smiling at a stranger on the street. It doesn’t have to be a crazy, big thing. In fact, it’s often not what you think it is. Keep it simple. Enjoy and savor. Think about who is important and call them or do something nice to help. Take time to be by yourself and give yourself a day to do whatever you feel like doing – no obligations. 

Life is meant to feel light and free just as much as it is to grow and learn.