I made friends with my darkness

Being friends with he who shall not be named.

He got to me. I felt like I was choking. I couldn’t find my center and I couldn’t breathe.

The self-hate talk started almost immediately. I got knocked and rattled and he found a way in. I was listening, this time.

I recently found myself in a challenging situation with someone.  This person used to be a friend and is no longer. I was triggered by this person, deeply. It resulted in me having an emotional meltdown. I thought with all these new tools and awareness I was untouchable.

There is more to learn, I see.

I talked to a friend who helped me see that I am human. That I am allowed to have human reactions and human meltdowns. I am allowed to feel and to be angry.

What you don’t know is this person somehow has the power to make me feel like I am terrible.

Or so I think.

I’ve spent the last couple days reflecting and practicing being ‘easy’ on myself. I got angry and I let myself be sad.

Sometimes we might find ourselves acting out old patterns, believing old stories and hating on ourselves. The opportunity here is to see beyond that.

As Gabby says, “see the light in others”, I am going to do just that. When I look for the light in others, I will also find the light within myself.

What am I grateful for today?
I am so grateful for animals. My cat, Max makes me feel so peaceful. He has a calming energy, and whenever I feel down he knows right away and will come and give me cuddles. Animals are such a vital part of our healing.

What inspired me today?
I was inspired by a random man on the bus. There was a lady standing and he got up to let her sit down. She declined and told him she was fine to stand, and he insisted. He said it would make him happy if she was comfortable. This made my heart smile. Proof that humanity and love exists, among strangers. Yay!