I’ve become a light junkie

What the heck am I talking about?

Danielle LaPorte explains it very well in this article, titled When You Get Through the Big Pain This is What Happens…Near Blinding Radiance. There is an excerpt that goes like this:

When you’ve transmuted dark poison, you develop an appetite for light and only light. You will choose to eat the light, point out the light, paint with light, speak with light, make love with light, dance for light, work for light, laugh with light, rest in the light, inquire from the light. You will throw light around like the lightworker that you are. It will be stunning.

It’s true. It is where I sit right now. I’m more compassionate, I’m more peaceful, I’m more grateful. I’m just addicted to this light I now have.

I have been through my fair amount of sh*t. Who hasn’t? I feel like I have literally come back from the dead. I’ve seen those dark, dark, twisty places. I thought I’d die there. When I was there people would say things to me like there will be light, or this too shall pass, or whatever else it may be. It doesn’t matter because in those moments all I see is dark. All I breathe is dark. I am living in the dark.

Not anymore.

Today I really felt that dark pulling at me. It’s interesting because these days I’m being the light. It’s almost like I can look situations from a different angle. Sort of like when you’re trying to parallel park a car. It’s not fun at all, and sometimes really stressful. When I’m in the dark (in life), I’m right in the car, and I can’t see anything but the steering wheel and the hood of the car (I would say bonnet, because I’m British, but I’ll keep it easy for you). When I’m in the light (in life) it’s so different. I can be in the car, and I can teleport into the sky and see my car from above, and keep interchanging. And then, I can easily tweak my angles and BOOM, the car is parked perfectly.

In saying that, today I was able to be really sad and know that I’m still okay. I cried and felt scared and this voice inside me said, ‘you’re freaking swell, babe. Don’t fret’.

What’s different? There’s MUCH more uncertainty in my life, I’ll tell you that. I’m not married, I’m not doing what I’d love to be doing for a job, I’m not making tons of money, and I have no idea where I’ll be in three months from now.  I’m the girl who values feeling safe and connected above ALL ELSE. So, that means I want to know what’s going to happen and if I’m going to be okay. There is no way to know that.

Or is there?

Just like all that uncertainty in my life, I feel like I have just as much certainty. This inner knowing that I am where I need to be and everything is unfolding as it needs to, just for me. Faith will do that for you. I believe it. Wholeheartedly.

What do you believe in?

No matter what, when sh*t hits the fan, what can you count on? Who do you count on?

Answer: yourself.

I’ve spent the last year and a bit putting myself first. Loving myself first and foremost.

What can you do today to love yourself a little more?

Breathe? Sleep early? Eat that piece of chocolate? Buy those shoes you’ve been drooling over? Why? Because you are f*cking worth it.