The best feeling in the whole world is watching things finally fall into place after watching them fall apart for so long.
The quote above sums up 2018 for me. It is my most favorite year of being alive. There are a lot of wonderful things that have happened in years prior, but I have to say this past year I really felt like I came home to myself, which absolutely led to everything else falling into alignment (no surprise).
I knew that once I came home to myself, all the things I dreamt of would also come, and I was right.
I’d love to share some of the highlights with you here!
WHOLENESS: I came home to myself after 34 years of searching and suffering and it feels so friggin’ good. I graduated from A Year of Love Masterclass along with five other women and as soon as I did, I felt a HUGE shift. I no longer feel the need to seek out answers outside of myself, or continue relationships that didn’t feel 100% aligned with me anymore. I cleaned house, and spent lots of time with myself. I made space for people that were living their lives closer to how I was showing up for myself.
TRUST: My partner Rick and I found a home that we absolutely adore and moved in together. I had been living alone for over 8 years so it was an adjustment at first. It’s been a wonderful experience sharing and caring for our home together. We both work from home so it was important to create a space that we feel good about and we value our alone time, so we consistently give each other solo time which really helps us feel connected to each other (because we’re making time to connect with ourselves first).
CREATIVITY: I birthed All Clear. If you’re curious about it, it’s a company where I support others declutter and organize their homes, cars, handbags, and more! You name it, I can help organize it! This is so close to my heart and such a part of my every day life. I declutter and organize on a weekly basis because it feels so good and cathartic. It supports emotional freedom and mental clarity which is why I love it so much. I’m excited to share this with the world in 2019!
EXPLORE: I found my soul name: Freya. If you want to read about my namesake story, go here. I’m hoping to make it my legal middle name in 2019 since I’ve tried it on for a few months and it still feels aligned for me. Thank you to those of you that changed my name in your phone, that call me Freya, for accepting and receiving me with such love because I was terrified of sharing this with people initially.
VULNERABILITY: I found a group of women that feel like family. These women were gifted to me this year, and I can’t even begin to share how organic + natural it feels to be around them. They are a few of my favourite people, including the others that were already in my life for keeps (you know who you are). I met a few of them in Bali, a few of them at a local goddess circle in Vancouver and the rest through A Year of Love. I’m so grateful to these women + soul sisters for being who they are and for believing in me.
PLAY: Rick and I vacationed in one of my favourite places in the world: Hawaii. We explored the big island and fell in love with it. We swam with wild dolphins on more than one occasion, we witnessed the greatest sunset we’ve ever seen in our lives. It felt like an important event in our relationship and it was the first trip we took together since our split. We felt centred, rested, connected and playful. Another reminder that travel can create strong bonds between people.
GROWTH: I started driving!!! And I love it! I got to a place where I feel confident and actually enjoy driving places. I got my car2go and evo membership and away I go! It’s been fantastic, mostly because it’s increased my self esteem ten fold. I still have my N, and plan on practicing more before taking my full road test (maybe in 2019).
CHANGE: We adopted a dog from the Hawaii Humane Society. It was a completely unplanned thing (I know what you’re thinking, but REALLY it was!). We were only at the Humane Society to love up all the little animals and take the doggies out for hikes for the day (I love that you can do that in Hawaii). It’s been a crazy adventure with Koa — he is a very very sweet pup, and at the same time a complete upside down life change but I’m very much in love with him being part of our little family.
All that to say, 2018 wasn’t all rainbows and lollipops. There were lots of really, really hard moments and challenging things that came up for me individually, for my relationship and for my life as a whole. I experienced these things differently than I have before because I knew I had myself to count on. Gone is that feeling where I am lost in the abyss, terrified because I don’t know what’s around the corner. I know that life is challenging, and that’s how I’ll keep growing.
Here’s how things were hard:
- My partner, Rick and I signed up for 3 months of couples counseling which essentially moved our relationship to the next phase instead of coming to an end.
- I lost and found and lost and found my self-confidence over and over
- I had some really scary health things pop up (thankfully I’m okay)
- I thought I might lose my job (all of my financial security + safety)
- I had multiple bouts of anxiety
Overall, I’ll take it all, the good with the challenging. I danced, I cried, I goofed off, I raged, I giggled, I introverted hard and it was fantastic. Here’s to an even stronger year ahead!
What came up for you in 2018?