The best thing I’ve ever done

365 days ago, I was on the way to the airport to go to Bali, Indonesia. I signed up for a 10-day retreat, and this wasn’t just any retreat, I had to apply for it. Yup. I was interviewed, questioned and carefully selected. Only those who wanted to make significant changes in their lives and were going to follow through with aligned action were going to be accepted. Little did I know that this experience would be, by FAR, one of the best of my entire life and that I’d meet my soul family and find myself all in one go.

I almost didn’t make it.

What I haven’t shared with you is, before this trip came about I was ready to end my life. I was tired, exhausted and ashamed at what I had become. I wanted to end it so that the people around me didn’t have to see the mess that I was, so they could have some peace. Hell, I wanted peace. I wanted these voices in my head to STOP.

The way I found Mastin Kipp, was purely a miracle. How I found the retreat, was the work of the divine.

The night I had to travel to the airport, I had a huge breakdown and told myself I didn’t have to go. I was in tears and felt like I had nothing left. I told myself, “so what if I had paid for this, who cares, I don’t need to do this. I can just hide here. I can just disappear”.

I felt something take over my body, and the next thing I knew, I was in a cab on the way to the airport. It was past midnight, wet and cold. The climate outside matched what I felt on the inside. I felt dark, there was no light in me. I felt cold like there was no life in me. I felt alone and lost. It was going to be a long flight, in more ways than one.

A few of the girls in the group were also landing in Hong Kong, I had a layover, and so we had decided to meet up at the airport and travel into Bali together. I met Jeanette first. She looked so kind, I could feel her heart right away. She was waving at me as I walked up to the gate and I turned to look behind me, because of course, I thought it couldn’t be me she was smiling at. I was on edge and I felt closed. We met Deb next. Deb had a face that lit up the room. I immediately wanted to be around her lots. We met Jen as we were boarding the flight, she gave us a gigantic hug, it was great. “Here I go”, I thought. “There’s no turning back now.”

Fast forward to the ride from the Bali airport to our accommodations, I remember sitting in the same car as Tracie. I knew I was home.

A sh*t-load of stuff happened during the trip, and if I wrote it all out, I’d be here for d-a-y-s! It was incredible. I had a divine intervention. I was called forth. I went into the darkness, I swam in it, I held my breath, I broke, but then I got up. I took a new breath, I stayed, I stood up and I chose life. I chose myself. I choose myself now.

I am not the same person as I was, before Bali. When I talk about my life, I seriously refer to myself as BB (before Bali) and AB (after Bali).

I love myself. I love my life. I love my people. I love the world. There is so much love, and so much gratitude it just oozes out of me.

Every single person on that trip helped change my life.

There is a lot more work to do but gone are the days of hopelessness, powerlessness, and despair. I am not a victim, I own who I am and I know that I create my reality.

Thank you, Bali, thank you Mastin and The Daily Love Team, thank you, Sat Siri, thank you soul sisters, and thank you, Tyra. A version of Tyra died during that trip, and on that same trip, Tyra was saved.

That night I could have listened to Voldy. He said, “you know if you go on this trip people might say nice things to you, you might smile a little, but when you get back, everything will be the same. Everything will still be sh*t. And you will still be broken and empty and alone”.

You know what, though? Voldy was wrong this time.

Sometimes we can surprise ourselves. Faith courses through my veins. I trust again. And, I’ve never felt this filled up and grateful and delighted at what is to come.

Watch this video below to see the highlights of my trip.